Last Wednesday was my 43rd birthday.  It was nothing special really.  It is just another day when you get older.  I do want to have a day focused on me in that I want to go out to eat with my family and I want to just do something for myself or that I enjoy doing.  In those aspects it is important to me personally.  Call my selfish or whatever you wish but I can assure you I spend a lot of my time and energy doing for others.  I spent my night having fun but without my favorite person in this world.  It sucks but in this life you have to learn to see things that you cannot be completely controlled by you as “it is what it is”.
I started off working because it was a work day and I am an independent contractor meaning I essentially work for myself so there is no pay when there is no work.  I really don’t mind as long as I get that family time and me time in there somewhere.  I got stepson off the school in one piece while Bandit, our corgi rode shotgun on the way back.  Somewhere in the mid morning my day took a bad turn for the worse as it often does these days when things happen that again are just not completely in my control.  It was bad timing that is for certain.  Things happen and despite my anxiety, my depression and my hurting heart I get through it all and continue to work because that is what I do.  I work to help provide for my family and I do it through the tears and sorrow sometimes but I do it.
I was really soured by the afternoon quitting time of the whole idea of celebrating anything.  I went back and forth in my head.  My anxiety had me “freaking out” at the things that happened and how people can be certain ways sometimes and why does it have to hurt so much.  The stress with all this on top of it just got to be too much.  Somewhere in the midst of it all my strength came bounding through like it often does.  My strength told me that just like I was learning and working on in my counseling I could not control everything or everyone.  My life and my evening had to go on.  I still got to see the rest of my family and enjoy a good meal and time away from the house for a bit.  Heck I actually fixed myself up a bit.  I straightened my hair and did my makeup better than normal.  I even put on eye makeup which I normally don’t even mess with these days.  I left not 100% happy and I was still sarcastically ranting about various things.
I managed to get over it and enjoy my meal, my family and my favorite alcoholic drink which is Kenny’s Cooler served at Texas Roadhouse.  You see as the biggest Kenny Chesney fan ever I had to try his drink when I saw it came out and each and every time we go there I have one.  This is big for me because I don’t drink much these days and I especially don’t drink when I go out because I am a cheap B—EEP!  On a side note if you enjoy rum, especially coconut rum then give his rum Blue Chair Bay a try.  There are more flavors than coconut but that is a great one to start with and NO I do not get any kickbacks from saying that.  I just highly recommend it and it is my rum of choice!  The food was great and the conversation too.  I may have indulged in way too many complimentary rolls and REGULAR butter but who cares!  I would not allow them to get me on top of that saddled “horse” contraption they do there for birthdays but I did wave my napkin around like that cute young waiter said to and allowed them to sing to me.  There was no way I was crawling my big ole hiney up on that thing.  I would need a ton more drinks to do that and maybe not even then.
I wanted to go one place before we made our way home where I would likely work some more because I wanted the extra money and I wanted to help out.  I wanted to go to Dirt Cheap.  This store is fairly new and my brother and sister-in-law are actually the ones that told us about it.  Some people are not at all impressed and some days I’m not either.  It is a place where they have closeouts, salvaged goods, damaged box goods and various other things at any given time.  The products vary so you never know what you may find or what discount you may find it at.  Sometimes you may walk through and wonder why you wasted your time and others you get a little excited at what you find.  It ranges usually from 40 to 90% off.  Yes that is right 90% off.  We only had about 30 minutes so I really had to make use of my time after I dashed to the potty room.  I made a half around on my way there carefully scanning with my thrifty shopper eyes!  I came back around to look around at socks and panties for myself.  I was actually looking for things for me personally.  Not something for someone else and not something I could craft with but for me that I actually needed.  At $1 each it was a good deal.  Then I found a stack of baby clothes in a bin and I was going through them looking for my nephew and also for maybe one more item for my little niece Maycie to put in her baby easter basket when a guy came and apologized for dumping a fresh new box of baby clothes.  I was like “oh no don’t apologize you’re fine”.  I was trying to play it cool and not be the crazy shopper lady.  I hit a jackpot!  At one point stepson came around and I put him to helping me dig.  I got some Texas Rangers onesies and one Dallas Cowboys onesie and also a pair of 2T  Texas Rangers shorts!  Yes we are Texans and we are fans.  My brother goes to Cowboys and Rangers games every year so that is right up his alley.  Also I am hosting a baby shower along with both of the new grandmothers and I happen to be making two smaller diaper cakes in those two themes since “sports” is the shower theme.  I felt like the queen of the world with my big bag of items I got for oh so cheap!  They were closing so my husband MADE me go check out which was certainly rude of him…haha love him but….  I will not tell you how much but I got this stuff all for less than $1 each.  Chaching!  I have hit the baby onesie jackpot one other time there.  That time I actually got some solid white ones I can add designs to and sell in my crafting business.  I am always proud of finding good deals.  I could tell you about some of the other deals but I think I will save that and more information about this store in another separate blog post down the road especially since I noticed they are opening one next weekend in Allen which is maybe 40 minutes from me.
My birthday was far from perfect but I managed to get it turned around a little.  I love enjoying a meal with family because it just does not happen all that often anymore and I love finding some good deals.  I especially love digging through baby clothes that are good bargains.  I cannot really explain it but having my first blood nephew or niece coming is a special thing to me and it helps me stay a little grounded.  It gives me something lighter and brighter and all around happier to focus on.  I mean who isn’t happy about little sweet babies?  Well I am a kid lover and a baby lover and since I only ended up with one of my own I get to spoil these nieces and nephews until some day, a LONG time in the future one of our boys makes me a grandmother or a glamma!  I intend to continue being a great auntie until then.  As I sign out for this blog draft I just want to say that sometimes our strength really surprises us.  Sometimes people don’t understand us and how we do the things we do but we just keep doing them anyway as long as it gets us by in this life.  Now if I can talk the hubby into running back over there in the morning while I work and dig through that bin of baby items…hmmmm!

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