I know that people mean well when they give their advice to me. I know when they tell me “take some time for yourself” or “you need to rest” they mean well. The problem with this is that if I do those things I just get further behind.
There are too many things in this house that only I can do. I can only care for mom. Sure, hubby can run errands and take her more water but the rest of it is on me. There are household things that only I do. He works outside the home 12 hour days three days a week and a 6-hour day one day a week. I try to do the business as I can and most of that except carting things around is all on me.
He can transport things to our storages and he did just that this past week moving us out of one unit, but the organizing and going through things has to be me. Going through the things under the carport from our long past garage sale is also me. Again, he can help but it is up to me what stays or goes and what is ours, my brother’s, donations, moms, etc. We have one vehicle which makes it hard as well.
Our plumbing is still messed up so we are still doing laundry at the laundromat. I change mom daily and that includes her pads and sometimes her blankets and she uses two blankets at all times. There is so much that goes into things around here.
I listen to some around me question me as to why I haven’t done this or that or why things aren’t done around here. I don’t like it any more than they do, but I am one human. I am one person and my husband is one person. His days off are filled with us doing laundry, getting groceries, doctor appointments, getting medications, storage runs and anything else needing a vehicle and trying to maybe have time for us somewhere in there if we are lucky.
Mom’s floors still need redone and that is a cost with the huge deductible she has so I am trying to save up for that. Everyone wants to know when that is getting done. I feel extremely overwhelmed by life in general. I have been told sometimes you have to get two or three jobs. I am 54 years old with mental illnesses and physical ailments. I used to have three jobs and work overtime when I was in my 20s and into my 30s. I had a job and a business in my 40s. I am tired.
I am currently battling a UTI with three different forms of bacteria on a culture. Two of those bacteria are known to be multi drug resistant. Thursday mom and I both have appointments with a urologist. Mine is for my interstitial cystitis and this infection. It has been years since I saw one since mine retired. Mom has not seen one since her incontinence a few years ago with her incident and frequent UTIs. I hope for some relief. I just took my last antibiotic pill today and I still feel the same as before if not worse.
I rest some at night playing a game. My husband and I watch TV together at night on the couch but I am usually always doing some designing or something for the business at the same time so that is not really resting. If I rest I just get more behind. Usually those who criticize what I am not doing don’t offer to help me but I still can’t help but let it bother me. Caregiving is a lot and when you mix in your own mental and physical health challenges it makes is a lot more challenging.
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